Another Wolf
by dragonsnap
Summary: And now the wolf is at my door, and things are never going to be like before. KakaSaku. Important Notice in Chapter 4
1. Extra Weight

It's like a bloodstain,  
  
And it's spreading across my chest.  
  
And I've been bleeding for so long,  
  
I think this heart of mine deserves a rest.  
  
Up.  
  
Down.  
  
Up.  
  
Down.  
  
Sasuke and Naruto were racing. She could see them, off in the distance; their tiny, blurred figures moving swiftly across the fields. It wasn't part of their training or had anything to do with a mission, they were simply in the middle of one of their "Who's stronger?!" disputes. Sasuke was only a nose ahead. Nothing new, really.   
  
Up.  
  
Even from where she sat, quite a ways from where the two boys ran, she could make out the head of impossibly bright blond hair. So very, very bright, glaring almost. You couldn't miss him even if you tried. _Especially_ if you tried.  
  
Down.  
  
Maybe that was why Sasuke was always with him. For anyone hardly ever saw that shock of yellow hair without seeing an equally impossible head of pitch black hair. Everyone knows how it goes, 'the moon always follows the sun.'  
  
Up.  
  
Always with _him_. Even now, four years after coming together as a team, Naruto and Sasuke competed with each other the way they did before they'd hit puberty. Maybe they still hadn't reached it.  
  
She sighed.  
  
Some things never changed. It was still 'that complete idiot' when Sasuke referred to Naruto. And with Naruto, well, he could simply stick out his tongue, even at 16, and call out, "Sasuke-chaaan" And it never failed in getting a rise out of his dark-haired rival.  
  
It was ridiculous really.   
  
Down.  
  
But... maybe things were a little different. Because four years ago, Sasuke had never held out his hand to Naruto to help him to his feet – he had quite of habit of falling on his behind.   
  
And four years ago, Naruto didn't race through the village to see Sasuke as soon as he had exciting news. He would have shouted it out for everyone in his path to hear:  
  
"Sasuke! Oi, Sasuke! Guess what?!"  
  
And Sasuke would smirk, hands in his pocket, arrogant as ever,  
  
"What is it, dobe?"  
  
That is the way it was with them. It was a constant.  
  
Four years ago.  
  
Four years ago.  
  
"987 988-"  
  
"You're slowing down, sensei."  
  
He grunted in response.   
  
Up.  
  
"989."  
  
Down.  
  
"990."  
  
Up.  
  
Sitting on Kakashi-sensei's back as he did his one-finger push-up's was all she seemed to be good for these days. And no one knew it better than she did; Sakura was an extra weight. Not just for her teacher, but for her team, whether it was on missions or during training sessions. Even when she was successful before the boys, she would just become a standby as Sasuke and Naruto started their competitions.  
  
And there was always competition.  
  
Beneath her, Kakashi felt her sigh and fall back on him, as she usually did when he neared 1000. Her head rested in that familiar spot between his shoulder blades and her legs laid on top of his, her bare feet reaching somewhere in the middle of his calves. At least this was something that remained constant for her. Constant and hers alone. Her teacher never had anyone but her be his extra weight. Even if it was only because she was the only one who had the time for it.  
  
Down.  
  
"991."  
  
She could feel his muscles ripple smoothly and steadily, his strength nearly radiated through her body. It was comforting, this up-down motion.   
  
Up.  
  
The sky would seemingly get closer as he went up. Close enough to touch sometimes, she thought.  
  
Down.  
  
And then, just like that, it would once again be out of reach.  
  
Things were usually like that for her. Close enough to touch, but never have. Somehow, Sakura could never figure out the secret to holding onto anything. Things just seemed to have a way of slipping through her fingers.   
  
Her left arm slowly raised and pointed a finger at an unknown spot in the cloudless sky.   
  
"Up," she commanded, her voice deadpan, fully aware that he wasn't really listening to her.  
  
Up.  
  
"Down."  
  
Down.  
  
That's where _he_ was. Some unknown place that she just couldn't reach. Ever. It would have been all right to have had Sasuke like that; as a star no one could ever reach. But someone had reached him.  
  
"996."  
  
It wasn't her.  
  
"997."  
  
Her arm dropped back to her side.  
  
"998."  
  
It wasn't fair.  
  
"999-"  
  
It never was  
  
"1000!"  
  
She slid off his back and rolled onto the grass, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the sunlight. Tilting her head slightly to watch him stretch out his arms, she caught a glimpse of pale, taut skin as he raised his hands over his head. He turned his back towards her.  
  
"Sensei."  
  
He paused before he shrugged on his vest , then looked at her over his shoulder.   
  
"What is it?"  
  
She didn't say anything for a long moment , even when he moved towards her. He stood above her, staring down at her and blocking the harsh sun. She lowered her hand from her eyes, but remained silent. A normal person would have gotten impatient, but Kakashi only waited in silence. Aloof and unperturbed. She briefly wondered if anything ever unnerved him.  
  
She turned her face away from him as she spoke.  
  
"It's time to stop them."  
  
He stuck his hands into the pockets of his pants, his frame comfortable in its lazy slouch. Looking away from her and towards the fields, he chuckled.  
  
"Ah, it is isn't it?"  
  
And he was gone. Off to stop Naruto and Sasuke from killing themselves. Boys were like that, after all. They didn't think about things like consequences and tomorrow. It was only 'right now,' this moment, live or let die. Always out to prove something to the world.  
  
""  
  
She missed him  
  
It was silly, really, because he wasn't even gone. That cold-hearted, good-for-nothing, beautiful, arrogant son of a bitch was within arm's length most of the time, so there really was no reason to miss him._  
  
Sasuke-kun._  
  
It had been a while since the last time she had gazed at him softly and asked him out on a date. And it'd been quite a while since she'd even felt hopeful.  
  
It had been five months, twelve days to be exact.  
  
It was all very clear in her mind. It wasn't that he had been any colder that particular day than usual, or had said anything especially cruel to her as he turned down the offer. It was just that she was too busy running an errand for her mother the next day to ask him out again. Then the next day had been a holiday so there was no mission or even training, so she didn't see him again. And then the day after that, she'd gotten sick and had to miss their 3-week long mission. They say that in order to get a habit, you have to do it daily for two weeks straight.  
  
Sakura discovered that it took three weeks and two days to lose one.  
  
When they had gotten back from their mission, Sakura had been waiting for them at the village's entrance gate. Well, it was more like she had been waiting for one of them. Her heart had pounded against her chest, half in anxiety and half in ill-contained excitement. She would never forget the way her heart dropped to her feet as she saw three figures make their way toward her.   
  
Naruto had had a big grin on his face to match his horribly swollen and deformed looking eye, which was almost all right, because Naruto had a knack of healing quickly. But her teacher was walking with a slight limp and a crutch. And Sasuke, she had noticed to her horror, had half of his hair shaved off, a bandage covering what she knew must have been a terrible gash. She knew that, even now, his long hair hid that scar.  
  
Something had infinitely changed at that moment she had weakly greeted them. Looking at her teammates in their battle-worn state, while she was freshly showered and her dress neatly pressed, Sakura had never felt so out of place. Her ears had turned deaf and her smile dumbly frozen as she watched Naruto boast about their adventure. Sasuke "hmph"-ed and his smirk widened as Naruto became more and more animated. Her teacher had simply laughed and knocked him on the head, telling him they had to hurry up and report back to Tsunade-sama.  
  
She had stood there for a moment as they had walked off, her mouth unable to form words, hands in clenched fists at her sides. Somewhere in the back of her mind, something told her that the three of them didn't need a fourth, that they looked quite complete without her.  
  
""  
  
Sakura groaned and rolled over onto her stomach, then changed her mind and sat up.  
  
/There's no point in thinking about that again./  
  
Her hair was getting long again, flowing past her shoulders now. She liked it long, though, it helped when she wanted to hide her face.  
  
"---did ya see that?! I beat him! I beat that Sasuke!"  
  
She gave him a smile from where she sat, looking up as she saw him running towards her. He wasn't trying to impress her, she knew, but was just excited, as he always was when it came to his 'rival.'  
  
"You didn't beat me, idiot. I stopped and you just kept going," replied Sasuke as he and Kakashi caught up.  
  
Naruto growled and raised a fist up at him.   
  
"Sasuke-" he was cut off as Kakashi grabbed the back of his jacket to pull him back.  
  
"Maa, don't get so worked up, you two. We've got a mission tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah! I can't wait!" Naruto exclaimed, happy all over again. He was so simple-minded it was unbelievable.  
  
"Hmph," was all Sasuke had to say, but he was smiling. He was excited for the mission, as well, the past month had been boring for the both of them.  
  
She watched them, the way Naruto talked excitedly to the dark haired boy, and the way Sasuke listened intently to everything that supposed 'complete idiot' had to say. She felt a sharp surge of annoyance.  
  
"We're meeting six a.m. sharp at the gate. Bring your passports, gear-"  
  
He paused when Sakura abruptly stood up, dusting off the back of her skirt before reaching down to slip on her sandals.  
  
"-sensei? Oi, Kakashi-sensei!"  
  
He turned his head to look at Naruto, who was looking at him strangely. He cleared his throat before continuing.  
  
"Bring enough provisions this time, Naruto. I don't want you begging Sasuke for an extra blanket again."  
  
When he turned back to Sakura, he hesitated again. Instead of paying attention to her teacher like the others, she was looking the other way, her face bearing a troubled and distracted expression.  
  
"Sakura, I want you to be responsible for the-"  
  
"I'm not going."  
  
He blinked, as did Naruto and Sasuke.  
  
"Do you have something more to do, then?" he asked, his voice was light, but lined with a distinctly sharp edge. The sharpest blades always cut silently.  
  
  
  
"I have my period."  
  
No one knew what to say to that, so they all just momentarily froze. Sakura took this opportunity to make her exit and turned around to leave, her face heating up as she blindly walked away. It'd been stupid, she knew, horribly and completely stupid. Her head was swimming, her heart beating erratically and rapidly.  
  
/Why the hell did I just say that?!/  
  
She felt like laughing and crying at the same time over her sudden brazenness. It had come out of nowhere; and she wasn't even due yet. Her feet made their way to the village and toward her house, where her empty room would welcome her and she could close her eyes and forget. Her heart was still threatening to jump out of her chest when he appeared in front of her.  
  
"Aghh!!!"  
  
Sakura jumped back a foot and clutched her hand to her chest.  
  
"Yo."  
  
/That stupid, cocky-/  
  
"Sensei, you idiot! You scared me!"  
  
But he only stood there, watching her. She hated his mask the most at times like this. With his face hidden and body giving away nothing, she could never know what he was thinking or feeling. Only his right eye was visible, and most of the time she was too afraid to look into it directly for longer than minute. It made her uneasy; tehe way that he saw through facades so easily.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked irritably, crossing her arms and trying to feign a bored expression. She never could do it as well as he could.  
  
"Why aren't you coming on the mission?"  
  
/That idiot! Is he trying to humiliate me?!/  
  
Praying her face wasn't as red as it felt, she turned her head to the side, refusing to meet his gaze.  
  
"I told you why already. What's your problem?" she muttered the last question under her breath, but they both knew he heard it.  
  
"I want to know the real reason and don't lie to me again."  
  
""  
  
/Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck./  
  
"What are you talking about, sensei? I told you the real reason-"  
  
"I warned you once and I'm not going to do it again. Don't lie to me."  
  
At this, she turned to face him. When he took on that tone it meant he was serious.   
  
"What makes you think-"  
  
"You already had it last week."  
  
There was a wild moment where Sakura wondered if her heart could actually stop from sheer embarrassment.   
  
He paused when he saw the look on her face. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to be so blunt.  
  
"Y-y-you, how.. how did," she sputtered out, her face was having trouble deciding between tomato red and sheet white.  
  
You've been under my supervision for four years, Sakura, he answered, I know-  
  
/How dare he?!/  
  
"You have no shame whatsoever!" she yelled. Kakashi was suddenly glad that everyone was at work during this time and the street they stood on was empty. He hated making a scene.  
  
"You pervert!"  
  
He was _really _glad no one was around.  
  
"Sakura," he tried, "let's-"  
  
"Get away from me!" she yelped as he come towards her. He sighed and scratched his head. He hated dealing with the opposite sex. Once they got riled up, they really went at it.  
  
They both just stood there, he with a hand tucked into his pocket and the other rubbing the back of his neck, and her with a clenched jaw and petrified spine.   
  
"I'm not going," she finally breathed out, "I'm just not."  
  
He nodded, afraid to do or say more. Women were emotional creatures, and Sakura was no exception.  
  
"So please," she said, finally looking up at him, "please, just leave it."  
  
There were no tears, no quivering lip, just a tired and worn look in her eyes. And somehow, that was worse than if she had been crying, because tears from her were nothing new...  
  
Sensei, I-  
  
He was suddenly behind her, his hand on her small shoulder. Sakura let out a sigh of relief and leaned back, ever so slightly, letting his tall frame support her weight.   
  
Thank you.   
  
Author's Note:  
  
In the manga, Kakashi actually does have Sakura sit on him as he does 1000 one-finger push-up's. It's during the Wave Country arc. It inspired this story.  
  
I was really debating whether or not I wanted to post this story on ff.net, more so than even whether I should even _write_ this story. I'm a little wary of 12-year old Kakashi fangirls coming to read this and cheer for Kakashi and Sakura's super secret LUV affair! But, oh well, 12 year olds can read, so why the hell not?  
  
And to people who want to flame, you have every right to do so. In fact, I deserve to be flamed for writing this story. KakaSaku scares me, but...oh well. It was an itch that needed to be scratched.  
  
Anyway, thanks for taking the time out to read this. Any type of feedback would be most welcome.  
  
(Lyrics by Amanda Marshall)


	2. Not Athena

I know I'm not Athena.   
  
I know I'm not Athena 'cause I   
  
Peel my armor, peel it back.  
  
Bow and arrow, horse and pack.  
  
I lose my armor...  
  
For you.  
  
Her finger traced a circle around her navel; cool bare skin underneath her even cooler fingertips. She supposed that if someone were to have stepped into her room just then, they might have guessed from the glazed look in her eyes that she was more than just a little out of it.   
  
Her hair would leave a damp spot on the bed sheets, but she didn't really care. She knew she should get up soon to dry her hair and get dressed, but...  
  
Right now, she didn't really feel like moving.  
  
At all.  
  
Her left shoulder felt sore from when she'd dislocated it the other night. Her body had overworked itself during her private training session. Her body wasn't as strong as she would have liked, but she, as her teacher had put it, 'had a talent for genjutsu.' Nothing too spectacular, but just strong enough for it to be acknowledged. Unfortunately, she wasn't as strong as the person who had managed to monopolize all of that Sasuke's attention.  
  
The past two weeks had been quiet. Her teammates and teacher were on their mission and without them; she really didn't have much to do. Well, besides a conversation or two with Ino.   
  
Ino was what most boys considered 'hot.' Guys always gave her the once-over when she walked into the room. Sakura, herself, got these looks too, but it was never with the same type of appreciative glance that Ino got. It couldn't be helped, she supposed, after all, Ino was blonde and had a tendency to wear short and tight outfits.  
  
Their virginity. That was what had been the topic of conversation during their usual meeting at the usual coffee shop.  
  
"When do you think you'll finally do it?"  
  
"Who do you think it'll be with?"  
  
"Where could you do it without getting caught by anyone?'  
  
All questions from Ino, of course, because Sakura could not, for the most part, even fathom the idea of having sex with anyone. Well, she could picture herself and Sasuke in that way, but since that was a long lost impossibility, she saw no reason to entertain herself with any more of those thoughts.  
  
It had been a bigger mistake than she had first thought; loving Sasuke for as long as she did. Most girls grew out of their preteen crushes once they start noticing other boys, boys who actually paid attention to them. Boys who actually wanted to go on dates with them. But Sakura had foolishly focused all of her time and energy on silky eyes and a slick smirk.   
  
They were all sixteen now, and it was _that_ age. The age when everyone had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Not even because they all of a sudden particularly started to like each other, but because it was just that age when people paired off in that way. Hormones, the adults called it.  
  
Now it was too late for her, because everyone already had someone. There were no boys to experiment with, let alone lose her virginity to. Ino was planning on doing it this weekend. Yet another race she had lost.  
  
But it wasn't that big of a deal.  
  
Sakura really couldn't imagine letting a guy touch her in that way and actually enjoying it. Though she would die before admitting it, last year she had let a boy stick his tongue in her month and his hand up her shirt. Promptly afterwards, she had gone to the bathroom and vomited. Fortunately for her, he had been extremely drunk and could not clearly remember the night's events the next day. He had asked her about it, and she had simply given him a look and told him he was out of his mind. Because why the hell would _she_ let _him_ do that to her?  
  
Her stomach turned just from the memory of it.  
  
It had been sloppy, wet, and thoroughly unpleasant. She couldn't understand how some girls enjoyed getting groped by clumsy and rough hands. What joy came from saliva all over your mouth? It was _nothing_ like in the movies.  
  
But, still  
  
Those girls had someone to call at night. Someone who made them giggle. Someone to get dressed up for, to get excited about.  
  
She wanted someone to excite _her._  
  
The way Sasuke used to before he'd shattered her all of her hope. Someone who would make her lose her breath, heart pound, knees weak. All that stupid stuff. She wanted it all, because it wasn't fair that she got left out of that, too.  
  
There were enough things in her life that she was already left out of.  
  
With that in mind, she sighed and got up. Procrastination could only buy time for so long. They'd be back any minute now and she had agreed to meet them at the gate. Or rather, she'd been ordered to.  
  
/I hate boys. They're all idiots./  
  
She raised her brows in surprise.  
  
They looked _fine._  
  
From where she stood at the gate, at least. Maybe she should have just gone on that mission, after all.  
  
"Sakura-chaaan"  
  
That idiot was kind of cute, she had to admit. The first year they'd been assigned as teammates had been spent trying not to hate him. The second year had been a process of learning to respect him; the third allowed her to gain a sense of camaraderie with him. And the fourth year...  
  
Well...  
  
She'd gotten used to him. Sure, Naruto was still annoying as hell and had absolutely no manners, but now she was used to it. And at least now he would go into a secluded area of the forest when he had to take a piss, instead of just doing it right in front of her like he used to. She giggled at the memory.  
  
/That idiot./  
  
"Naruto, stop yelling out my name like that," Sakura scolded him when he ran up to her. But the smile on her face was real. It was nice, after all, having someone excited to see you.  
  
"Heehee," he answered, a big sheepish smile on his face. Naruto really was cute, she thought, in that annoying bratty little brother kind of way.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
That was Sasuke.  
  
The four years with him had been enlightening as well. Her heart still did flutter, just the slightest bit, at the sight of him. But really, his looks could cause that for anyone, not just her.  
  
"Okaeri," she said softly. He nodded in reply, a half smirk on his lips. It would have just been a smile, but with Sasuke it somehow always turned out a smirk. Just another one of his annoyingly captivating qualities.  
  
A lock of rosy hair fell in her eyes, causing her to make a face. She'd tied it all up on the top of her head before she had left the house, her mother had warned her it was especially windy today.  
  
"So, how was it?" she asked them, eyes glancing around for the yet to be seen third figure.  
  
/Where's that idiot teacher?/  
  
Naruto was talking, she knew that, but she stopped listening as soon as she heard that 'Poof.'  
  
"Stop waving around your arms like that, Naruto, you'll poke someone's eyes out," was his greeting. She laughed at her blond teammate's angry face.   
  
To any passerby, it would have seemed as though he were a horrible teacher. Instead of watching his students, his attention was solely focused on the dirty book he was reading. He was slouched on a bench with one arm behind his head as support. Even the one part of his body that was visible, his right eye, looked half closed.  
  
But she knew better. He teacher was eerily perceptive, nothing was ever missed with him. When he bothered to pay the slightest attention, that was. Right now, there was a very good chance that he was completely focused on only that stupid little orange book he always carried around. There was also just as good a chance that he was alert to every little ant that entered within a 20 yard radius of them.   
  
Getting up from her where she had been sitting on the grass, she walked to where he was. He turned a page, eyes never leaving his book, even as he spoke.  
  
"What's the matter Sakura?"  
  
She sat down beside him, but didn't look at him. He wasn't the only one who could do that.  
  
"Nothing," she answered. And nothing really was the matter, besides her life and all.   
  
//  
  
She had sat down too quickly and without even thinking, because who ever actually thinks when they sit down? They were a little too close. Just a little. The side of her thigh was fully touching his and so was her arm. They weren't pressed against each other, but it was close enough so that they were touching. Touching without having to, because there was more than enough room for the both of them to sit comfortably without touching each other.  
  
She didn't move.  
  
Curiosity was to blame. Sakura never really had the chance to sit next to someone like this. Because if she had sat this close to Naruto, he probably would have jumped up in shock or yelled excitedly in her ear with mindless babbling. Sasuke, on the other hand, would have moved away immediately or gotten up and left. And if she sat close next to any other boy her age, he would have thought she was flirting with him. The last thing she needed was some stupid boy thinking she liked him.  
  
So now she had the chance to sit next to someone of the opposite sex that wasn't related to her and see for herself just what it felt like to _touch_. Not fumble or grab, but just to be close enough to feel warmth from another body. It was a perfect opportunity, because she didn't have to worry about the guy she was sitting next to trying to make a move on her. That's all they _ever_ wanted to do: stick their sweaty hands under your skirt and slobber all over your face. Why girls let them do this was beyond her.  
  
So they sat like that, he 'reading' and she staring at something not really in the distance. His arm felt hard compared to her own, and she guessed it was because she was a girl and girls just had soft arms. It felt sturdy and strong. This was different from when they touched during his push-ups, because to be his extra weight, Sakura _had_ to touch him. But right now, there was no real reason for them to touch. Because when you touched someone without really having to, it meant that you were doing it just for the touch. Touching just to feel.  
  
/This is...all right.../  
  
They weren't leaning into each other, but if she_ had_ leaned in, his shoulder would have been there for her head to rest on. The slit on her skirt let some skin touch him, but he was completely covered, so skin never met skin. Which was good, she supposed, because that might have been weird. But it felt okay, knowing that there was someone touching her.  
  
Maybe more than okay – kind of nice.  
  
Kind of.  
  
It was only 'kind of' because a little bit of nervousness was clawing at her.  
  
She knew he wouldn't move away. Because if he did, then he would be acknowledging the fact that they were sitting too close. And if he acknowledged that, yes, they were indeed sitting too close to each other; he would be bringing attention to the fact that they had been sitting that way for quite some time now. And that would have been wholly inappropriate.  
  
She also knew that _she_ wouldn't move because it would be too embarrassing. She didn't have a real reason to get up and leave, and he would know if she were lying. If she moved away, then it would have meant that she'd felt uncomfortable touching him. And if she felt uncomfortable, it meant she had _felt _something other than annoyance and exasperation from her teacher. And that was really way too embarrassing.  
  
This wasn't the nervousness she used to get around Sasuke. It didn't make her feel like she'd explode, nor did it hamper her breathing. Instead, it was just a general sense of. 'what now?' She didn't want him to think that she had a crush on him.  
  
/Hell no! What if he thinks I like him in that way?!/  
  
She willed her hands to stop fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, she knew that he would pick up on it right away. Her breaths were also being steadily controlled, because he would also notice it if she were to start breathing abnormally. Shit, he always noticed everything! What if he were to-  
  
"That's it for today!"  
  
She let out a yelp when he abruptly stood up. She seemed to being doing a lot of that these days. But at least now she could stop worrying about what to do. Her sigh of relief from the previous tension calmed her and she looked up as her teammates lined up in front of their teacher. They were going to go to the cliffs, they said, to finish their battle.  
  
Of course they were.  
  
"We're going to take a trip tomorrow. We'll meet here when it gets dark," and then after a moment added, "_all_ of us."  
  
Sakura's eye twitched.  
  
/Go to hell./  
  
She stood up after the boys had ran off, offhandedly noticing that her teacher hadn't left yet, he was usually gone by now. Feeling his gaze on her, she turned up at him expectantly.  
  
He was looking at her so intently it unnerved her. It was quiet for a moment too long before she started to get nervous again.  
  
"What are you staring at, sensei?" she asked rudely, because that was the way she always talked to him.  
  
"Nothing really," he said, a smile in his voice, "make sure you show up tomorrow. No excuses."  
  
/Yeah, yeah. I get it./  
  
She rolled her eyes at him and was about to leave but...  
  
He did the strangest thing.  
  
Quickly, so quickly that she almost didn't see it, his fingertips brushed her hair out of her eyes. It was nothing really, because it wasn't as if he'd touched her lips or even really her face.   
  
But still  
  
He'd never touched her like that before. Touched her just to touch her.   
  
//  
  
Her skin still tingled when she went to bed that night.  
  
I know Sakura might seem OOC, but I think that a significant change takes place between the ages of 12 and 16. So the thoughts and experiences she has now would be different than when she had been 12. Also, I'm trying to make her more realistic than she is in the manga. Because although I worship Kishimoto-sensei for his genius creation of this wonderful manga, he really has not been depicting young girls' emotions in a good light. Hopefully, I can make Sakura someone who more girls can relate to.  
  
Pretty arrogant of me, huh?  
  
But yeah, this story is going somewhat slow. The next chapter should have much more interactions between Kakashi and Sakura.  
  
And since people asked,  
  
Reasons this story is rated R:  
  
1) To keep out underage readers. (Not that it ever really works)  
  
2 ) Language. Not just 'fuck,' but the language I use in general in this story is not really suitable for younguns.  
  
3) Content. There will be what can be called 'graphic content.' Not now, but there will be. However, this story's focus is not about luvvywuffy feelings Sakura has for her 'super duper hot sensei! cool!!'. If you're looking for that, you should stop reading.  
  
4) Also, Sakura is 16 here, and Kakashi is 30. I'm not going to change her age just so that it be all nice and legal. She'll be 16 during and at the end of the story. I'm not trying to make things socially acceptable and politically correct. 'Kay?  
  
Okay then. Thanks to all the reviewers. And if you're interested in being a beta-reader for this, e-mail me. Thanks.  
  



	3. Steadily Denied

Staring in the mirror as I  
  
Start to carefully contemplate  
  
Just really how deep is this thing   
  
I have for you ?  
  
Naruto and Sasuke ran back and forth, the each of them refusing to lose to the other. In terms of stamina, Naruto was the winner. He wasn't human when it came to his stamina, more like a force of nature; relentless and seemingly endless. But when it came to skill, there was never a question as to who dominated. Sasuke was as deadly as he was beautiful.   
  
There was never a dull moment while watching the two of them.  
  
It was also somewhat annoying. The boys got like that – annoying – when they involved her in their competitions. It was Naruto who asked first, wanting her share of the deliveries. He always wanted more, as if making a few more runs around the village and forest would aid in his quest of becoming Hokage. Then it was Sasuke who asked, because he never asked until Naruto did. And he never wanted to lose to that 'complete idiot' if he had any say in it. She'd given them the rest of her packages – arguing with them would have no use, she knew this from experience. The Forest of Death wasn't exactly a place she enjoyed running around anyway.  
  
Back and forth. Forth and back.  
  
It's strange the way you can watch a pendulum swing for hours at a time. It can drive you insane in its repetition, but your eyes keep following it. As long as it has a direction, everything will follow. Sasuke and Naruto had direction.   
  
That was another difference between her and them. She didn't invite danger. In fact, she avoided it at all costs. While they liked to test their strength and thrived on the adrenaline, Sakura was quite happy coming home without a scratch on her peachy skin. She did what she had to do, violence didn't become her.  
  
Sometimes, at the oddest or most random of moments, satisfaction came and laid its spell on you before you could even register the first sign of just being content. It happened sometimes when she was alone, not really thinking about anything, just lying on her back and taking in deep breaths. Or sometimes when Naruto did something stupid and she and Sasuke would laugh before having time to think about holding back.   
  
It happened like now. Her teacher sat on a tree stump, reading his book and enjoying the shade.   
  
Seeing him there, it just...  
  
It made everything all right. He always made her feel better. Perhaps it was a conditioned response, because Kakashi was always there to assure her things would be all right. She'd gotten used to seeking relief from him._  
  
Kakashi has a soft spot for you._  
  
When her dark-haired teammate had made that comment, she'd brushed it off. But now, when she really thought about it, she couldn't help but think that maybe her teacher had always been nicer to her than to the boys. It was most likely because she was a girl, she thought. But still he never yelled at her. Mostly because Sasuke and Naruto took up most of his attention...  
  
She sat on his lap.  
  
There was nothing really strange about it. Girls always sat on their father's laps, and their uncles' and grandfathers'. It was a sign of being comfortable.   
  
She sat on his left thigh, her knees bumping against the inside of his right knee. Her arms were kept crossed against her chest and she kept her eyes carefully positioned on a twig on the ground about twelve yards away from where they were. He didn't move. She knew he wouldn't.  
  
"Ugh."  
  
A sudden breeze blew her hair in her face, strawberry strands sticking to her lip glossed mouth. She tried to pull her hair back behind her ears and he laughed at the face she made as she did so. Sakura smiled at him. When his attention was back on his book, she let herself lean against him, trying to hide a smile as his arm moved to rest behind her, instead of squeezed against his side.   
  
Up.  
  
Down.  
  
Up.  
  
Down.  
  
This was fun, she thought, giggling. When she felt him pause, she buried her face into that spot between his shoulders to muffle her laughter. He continued.  
  
Up.  
  
"988"  
  
Down.  
  
She tightened her arms around his neck, this was far more difficult than just sitting on his back. Pull-up's required her to use her strength, too. Slipping off of his back and landing on her behind would not do at all, considering that the ground was more than fifteen feet below them.  
  
She wondered if he was aware of just how intimate this was. Her chest pressed right up against his back, her arms wound tightly around his neck. She could feel everything, as could he. Or, did he just see it with the same indifference as he saw most things he encountered? But how could he be indifferent about this?   
  
Sakura wiggled, wondering if his hitched breath was caused by her or just an effect of a near-to-ending tiring workout. She'd never held anyone like this, she realized. And, for a brief, blushing moment, she wondered what it would feel like if it was the other way around, with _him_ holding _her_ like that.  
  
"1000!"  
  
Her eyes widened and her legs automatically wrapped around him as he suddenly jumped down to the ground without warning.   
  
This was, of course, the part where she would hop off his back  
  
Arms loosened, but held steadfast. She held her breath and for a moment, there was silence. The wind's rustle, birds' chirping, their breathing, but she was deaf to all of it. Her mind wasn't really registering what she was actually doing. She was too old for a piggyback ride, too old before he even became her teacher. But, this felt nice. And Sakura liked feeling nice, because it wasn't that often she felt that way.   
  
He said nothing and walked back to the village with her on his back.  
  
The wind rustled again. She could hear it now.  
  
Sakura plopped down on the ground between his legs. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them, only her cheek touching him as it rested on his thigh, right above his knee.   
  
Her eyes hurt. They were usually tired and a little red after her meetings with Kurenai-sensei, but today they just _hurt_. It was a throbbing sort of pain, the kind that came in dull waves, building and building until she was sure that something would explode.   
  
He glanced down at her, noting that her eyes had closed and her brow was wrinkled in distress or concentration ,or both.   
  
"Are you all right, Sakura?"  
  
Her forehead rubbed against his knee before she let out a long, ragged breath.  
  
"I just... I just need some rest, is all."  
  
Today had been a particularly difficult day. Kurenai didn't put up with bullshit, not from anyone. So when she'd taken Sakura on as a student, she expected full commitment. They'd really pushed it today, she thought. Her sore eyes and back were proof of that.  
  
When she felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder, she opened her minty eyes and smiled up at him, weakly and gratefully.   
  
"How is it coming along?"  
  
Turning her body around so that it faced his, she yawned and stretched like a cat at his feet.  
  
"Fine. She's really smart. Kurenai-sensei, that is."  
  
His eyebrow, a perfect line of silver, arched at this.  
  
"Smart compared to...?"  
  
Sakura yawned again and turned her head so that he could only see her profile. She perched her chin on his knee, a teasing smile spreading on her pink lips.  
  
"You. You're an idiot, Kakashi-sensei."  
  
It's wearing on my heart  
  
And from the start you know I tried,   
  
Steadily denied...  
  
It was starting to get dark, the sky a dusky lavender. Chilling and maybe warming her, the night breeze shyly wove in and out around her.   
  
"Sakura, we're leaving." Sasuke called.  
  
She gave him a smile, but shook her head gently.  
  
"I'm going to wait for Kakashi-sensei. You guys go on ahead."  
  
Pretty black eyes narrowed at her.  
  
"Sakura-chaaan! Aren't you tired from today's mission?! We'll walk you home!"  
  
She shook her head again.  
  
"That's okay, Naruto, you guys go on ahead."  
  
/Dammit! Why the hell are you guys so annoying?!/  
  
When they finally left, albeit hesitantly, she sat on the ground and sighed. She was tired from today's mission.   
  
/Tsunade-sama should get the Gennin to fetch her documents!/  
  
"....gennin..."  
  
It seemed like things were happening so quickly. Memories of days at the academy and memorizing line after line of history textbooks danced around in her head. Now they were chuunin. It was somewhat new to her, since she'd only become one a few months ago. Sasuke and Naruto had received their promotion two years ago.  
  
And now...  
  
Now they were already talking about becoming jounin. Which was, in fact, something that would most likely happen in the not-so-distant future.  
  
//  
  
She would never make it to jounin status, she knew. And that was all right. It really was. Butbut then that would mean the end.  
  
Jounin didn't stay as 3-man teams. As soon as Naruto and Sasuke advanced, she would be left behind. She laid her arms on her knees and buried her face in them. It was so...  
  
Frustrating.  
  
"What's the matter with you? Are you going to be sick?"  
  
/Idiot teacher./  
  
"I'm fine. I was just waiting for you. What took you so long?" she demanded as she stood up, brushing dirt off the back of her dress.  
  
He paused. Then cleared his throat.  
  
"Grown-up's have things they need to discuss..." was all he said as they started walking. Sakura bristled at his answer.  
  
/Grown-ups?! I'm ten times more grown-up than you!/  
  
But she swallowed her pride and stepped into pace with him. She counted to fifty before hooking her arm through his, just something she was trying out.  
  
They walked like that for a few minutes and just when she looked up to see how the sky was already black and the moon big and white and low, he stopped. She looked up at him expectantly, he was silent for just enough time to make her nervous.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
She shivered.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Her fingers brushed up and down the inside of his forearm.  
  
"Sakura," he said slowly and deliberately, "you have to stop this."  
  
He looked straight ahead, unblinking and unfeeling.  
  
"Stop what?" Her voice was soft and curious. Innocent. Right.  
  
"Whatever you think it is that you're feeling, it's temporary. You're young, and"  
  
/Shut up./  
  
"aren't thinking clearly"  
  
/_Shut up_./  
  
He stopped then, threw his head back and let out a long tired breath. This tactic wasn't going to get him anywhere.  
  
"Look, I'm flattered, okay?"  
  
He gave her one of his infuriating smiles and patted her on the head, only to get his hand slapped away.   
  
Smack.  
  
His smile disappeared.  
  
"Don't _touch_ me!"   
  
She definitely had his full attention now. His hand had dropped back to his side, and his eyes were fully open and staring at her in surprise. It was nerve-wracking to have him look at her so intently, but she was angry. Hurt, even.  
  
This wasn't one of those moments where he could be flaky or cruel. A simple nod and he turned to leave.   
  
"I'm sorry," he said over his shoulder.  
  
/No, wait!/  
  
"No, wait!"   
  
What was it that always made her say whatever she was thinking to him?  
  
He stopped in his tracks and faced her, because to not have would have meant he cared.  
  
"I didn't.... you know," she said lamely, "I didn't mean it like that."  
  
/Shit! This is so embarrassing!/  
  
A blush rose up to her face and she turned her head to the side, avoiding his questioning gaze. Her hands held onto her skirt so tightly her knuckles turned white.   
  
"I-I mean..."  
  
He took a step closer.  
  
"I only meant that I don't want you to touch me like_ that_." her words rushing one right after the other. "Don't pat me on the head like I'm a little kid! Because I'm not!"  
  
/What the hell am I saying?!/  
  
"You can touch me... I _want_ you to touch me."  
  
Oops.  
  
"I mean," she stammered, "I mean you can touch me, like you're allowed to-"  
  
He was standing right in front of her. When had he gotten so close?  
  
"I didn't mean, you know, that"  
  
His hand reached down to raise her chin, forcing her to look up at him. He'd looked at her a thousand times before, yet it was only now she had the urge to hide her face in her hands.  
  
"I like it when you touch me," she whispered weakly, forgetting how to be herself as he traced his thumb along her jaw.  
  
Thump. Thump.  
  
Her heart pulsed against her ribs as if trying to escape as his fingers moved down to her neck, searching her face for something, nothing, _anything._  
  
"This," he asked, "is all right?"  
  
Her head moved on its own, nodding without her mind's consent. At this, his fingers moved further down, lightly touching her collarbone, gaze never leaving her face. Things she didn't know she could feel, things she didn't know she'd been suppressing for so long, they were all suddenly surfacing and she didn't know what to do.  
  
She knew what was going to happen if she stayed, but she couldn't imagine leaving.  
  
This was crazy. This was _crazy_. Sasuke or Naruto could come back at any given moment and see them like this. And what were they _doing_? She was just standing there, her arms at her sides, legs frozen, hands trembling. And he was standing so close to her, so _close_ that if either of them moved forward an inch, the front of their bodies would be pressed up against each other. Didn't kissing come first? Her mind was clear enough so that she remembered that much. First came kissing, then...  
  
"This is crazy," she breathed out, wanting to laugh but not sure that she could.  
  
His hand paused when she spoke.   
  
"Do you..." she whispered, stepping away from him, "do you know what you are doing right now?"  
  
"Do you know what you're doing right now? Who you're touching?" her voice hitched, desperate and blind, "Do you know? Do you?"  
  
He reached for her but she shook her head.  
  
"Don't lie. Don't ever lie. Tell me the truth always, no matter what it'll do to me. Please, always the truth."  
  
/Please/  
  
"Never promise me anything you're unsure of, I don't need them. I don't need promises. I don't."  
  
/Don't /  
  
"Don't ever ignore me. You don't have to be nice, but don't ever act like I'm not there."  
  
/I'm already crying/  
  
"And please, please don't touch me unless you mean it. Don't ever don't _ever_ touch me without meaning it."  
  
His hesitance might have meant confusion, she knew, but he would understand enough. It'd be enough.  
  
It wasn't the first time he'd seen her cry, but she couldn't help but think that he had never seen her like this before. He'd never seen_ her_ before.  
  
And then..  
  
.....his hand was in her hair. Softly, because there was no other way for it to be. Carefully, because she could break. Assuredly, because he meant it.  
  
"All right," he said, "I won't."_  
  
Don't try to understand me.  
  
Your hands already know too much anyway._  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Hmm.. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. The first two chapters were written in four days. This one chapter took almost a week because I wasn't sure of what direction I was taking this story. I hope you guys like it. If not, tell me why so I can get better! Feedback is really appreciated.  
  
I want to write action scenes... but I don't know how. I'll work on it though, without it this story seems lacking, no?  
  
P.S. I am allergic to Sasuke/Sakura. Blech.  
  
  
Thank you to all the reviewers. They make me want to write and keep me from abandoning this story. And to all those who offered to beta this story, I'll held you up to it! However, I'm only going to have certain chapters beta-read. So thank you all of volunteering.


	4. Beyond This

_I know you probably think that I'm so strange,  
  
Stuttering on every word when you look my way, why?  
  
And maybe it's all in my mind..._  
  
Naruto no baka!!Sakura-chan! I'm so sorry! Aghh!  
  
She sent a glare at the horrified blond boy next to her as she limped over to a shaded area and plopped down. The cut wasn't too deep, but there was blood. She hated blood.  
  
What's going on here?  
  
Sakura kept her head down as she carefully pulled her sandal off, grimacing when the material rubbed against the cut. Her eyes rolled at Naruto's exaggerated and sheepish explanation.  
  
She stole a glance at Kakashi and watched as he looked over her and her foot. He slipped off his gloves and tucked them into his pocket before kneeling on one knee in front of her. She bit down on her lower lip when he took her injured foot into his large and rough hands, so very different from her own smooth and delicate skin. When he ran his fingers over the top of her foot, she had to look away so no one would catch her blush.  
  
It's not serious, but we should clean it.  
  
She numbly nodded, rosy hair falling in wisps to cover her reddening face.   
  
Naruto, Sasuke, report back to Hokage-sama. Tell her today's missions have all been completed.  
  
Sakura's eyes widened at his words, hearing but not really listening to Naruto repeat his clumsy apology as he and Sasuke turned to leave. They were going to be alone. _Together_. They hadn't been alone since _that night_, three nights ago.  
  
/Does he _want_ to be alone with me?/  
  
She didn't know whether she felt relieved or frightened at the thought, still embarrassed about the emotional outburst he had witnessed just a few days ago. And this was the first time he had touched her since then, even though he was only touching her to take care of her injury.  
  
/Still... he doesn't have to do this. He could have just told me to clean it on my own, if it's not serious.../  
  
His left hand gently lifted and held her ankle and his right was carefully cleaning the cut on her foot with a dampened handkerchief. They briefly made eye contact, he gave her a smile and then started to slip her sandal back over her foot for her.  
  
Y-you don't have to do that for me.  
  
But she didn't move away, nor did he let go. Instead, he held onto her ankle for a long quiet moment, looking down at the ground. She chewed on her lip as the tension in the air grew.  
  
Do you want to do something tomorrow? she blurted.  
  
/Shit, what am I saying.../  
  
He looked up at her then, his brow raised in questioning.  
  
Do I want to do something tomorrow?Yeah, you know, aren't you going to do your training again? I can help, like I did before....  
  
Suddenly, all she could think about was how she wanted to feel his back again.  
  
We have a day off, right? she continued, somewhat hurriedly and looking somewhere over his shoulder, So, if you want, I can help you. Bu only if you want, you know-I don't think so.  
  
Her face froze in its nervous smile, her mind reeling.  
  
/./  
  
She saw him stand up in the corner of her eye and took the moment to take a deep breath before deciding on some damage control.  
  
That's fine, she said loudly, I was just offering, you know. But if you're fine on your own then that's _perfectly_ fine by me. I was just being nice and thought that I could-Why don't you stop by my house tomorrow? If you have time.Eh? Excuse me?  
  
Sakura mentally slapped herself when she saw that he was reconsidering his invitation.  
  
she answered, flinching at her own enthusiasm, I mean, yeah, that's fine with me. Tomorrow. Your place.  
  
/Stop blabbering!/  
  
He only stood there looking at her. For the briefest of moments, she swore she saw pang of regret on his face, but he nodded and left before she could really see.  
  
/Tomorrow. Your place. Right. Smooth./  
  
She groaned.  
  
_  
  
Wheels I guess are turning  
  
Somewhere inside my head  
  
I know that this is  
  
Deeper than you get_  
  
There was a time when she used to fret about her underdeveloped body, but that time was no more. She wasn't as curvy as some of the other girls, but she was lean and long, suitable for a shinobi. Deliberately pushing out images of Kurenai-sensei's abundant bosom from her mind, she pushed down the waist of her pants so that they slung low on her hips, revealing pretty hipbones, and a sliver of a flat stomach. She ran a brush through her hair before leaving her house and mentally calmed herself.  
  
It wasn't a date.  
  
But still.  
  
It _felt_ like one.  
  
She reached into her pocket and took out a piece of paper. On it was a detailed map and directions to his house, though it was unnecessary, as the way to his home was quite straightforward. She had stayed up late, unable to sleep because of frivolous nervousness and had spent two hours decorating and embellishing the map until it looked like a children's board game.   
  
/Oh, god.../  
  
She had never gone to a boy's house before, not with the intention of doing more than discussing important matters like school and missions or for a friendly meal. This was different. And she wasn't going to a boy's house, she was going to a _man's_ house. Caught between a giggle and a groan at the thought, Sakura quickened her step.  
  
/Stay calm. There's nothing to worry about. Stay calm./  
  
She calculated quadratic equations in her head the entire walk there.  
  
He opened the door bare foot and in his usual uniform, sans vest and gloves. The way he looked in just his black shirt and mask made her feel more comfortable, somehow.  
  
Hi, sensei!  
  
/Ahh! Why did I have to call him that _now_?!/  
  
But he just smiled and made way for her to come in. She slid off her sandals and looked around as she walked inside. Wooden floors and furniture, nothing perfectly matching, but nothing that caught the eye.  
  
/Eh. What a typical pad./  
  
Her eyes stopped at his desk, which was piled with what looked like mountains and mountains of paperwork.  
  
/Umm... /  
  
He walked past her and towards the desk without a backwards glance.  
  
I've got a lot of work to finish up.  
  
/No shit./  
  
You can have a seat over there.  
  
He nodded his head towards a chair by the window, quite a distance from the desk.  
  
Um, okay, she said meekly. This was definitely not what she had in mind.  
  
/He invited me over to sit in a chair and watch him work? What the hell?!/  
  
She crossed her arms and her legs as she sat down, annoyed and impatient. And the more she thought about the current situation, the closer she was to losing her temper. Her mouth opened to yell some sense into him, but she forced herself to look away and stare out the window to calm herself.  
  
Are you thirsty? he asked after a while.  
  
She didn't turn around.  
  
I'm just fine.  
  
He went back to work.  
  
Where's the bathroom?Down the hall, first door on the right.What's all that for?  
  
...................  
  
/That _idiot_.../  
  
/Ugh... my neck.../  
  
Her eyes opened slowly, the lamplight harshly beaming in her face.  
  
/Eh?! I fell asleep? Hell no! How embarrassing/  
  
Any suicidal thoughts abandoned her when she saw him still bent over his desk. A glance out of the window told her that it was either really late into the night or early into the morning. The knot in her neck told her it was the latter.   
  
A little unsure of herself, she sat quietly, watching him work, unaware of the expression on her face as she gazed at him. Ivy eyes were dreamy and soft, the corners of her lips raised in a little sad smile, revealing the smallest dimple in her left cheek.  
  
When he turned to look at her, it was only meant to be a passing glance, to check to see if she had indeed awakened. What he saw made him pause his breath. When she realized he was looking at her, Sakura quickly let a bright smile mask her face. But he'd already seen everything.  
  
He cleared his throat and went back to his work, his hand moving swiftly and briskly across the paper, the pen's scratches and marks breaking the silence of the room. She sighed deeply and her mind was decided. Bracing herself, she stood up and walked over to where he was sitting and leaned against the desk, hovering over him.  
  
"Am I in your way?" she asked softly, not moving, but willing to if he asked.   
  
It was happening again. That nervousness that resonated in her lower stomach and rose throughout, the light tingling that tickled its way up and down, down and up her spine. The slight dizzying spell when she inhaled too much of his scent.   
  
His eyes wouldn't meet hers and this troubled her. Instead, he was looking away, eyes not concentrating on anything, which meant he was thinking. Thinking about _this_. Thinking about the situation, the consequences.   
  
She had to stop it. Thinking would get in the way.  
  
"I can help," she offered, stepping a little closer to him so that her knees brushed against his. He swallowed, but shook his head gently.  
  
Biting down on her lip, she took a deep breath to gather her courage. Carefully watching and weighing his reaction, she moved even closer, so that she stood between his knees and he had to tilt his head back to look up at her. It was a little strange, since it was usually she that was looking up at him. Now that it was the other way around, a little thrill of power went through her body.  
  
He was _finally_ looking at her.   
  
"Did you really invite me here to help you with your work?"  
  
Proud of how calm and steady her voice sounded, she let a wave of boldness overtake her. Slowly, so very slowly, she sank down until she was straddling his lap. Her hands remained in fists on top of her thighs, shaky but determined.  
  
He was utterly impossible, making her do all this just so he would _look_ at her.   
  
You're being kind of silly, you know.  
  
Oh, she sounded so _sure_. So _collected_. And she could only pray that her face was as steady as her voice, not betraying the way her heart was beating so loud and discerning inside.  
  
/You idiot, just touch me already!/  
  
She frowned, apprehension taking its toll.  
  
/Don't you... want to?/  
  
She remembered what she had told him that night, desperate pleas echoing in her head.  
  
/_Don't ever touch me without meaning it_./  
  
So he really had taken it to heart.  
  
Still biting her lip, she raised her right hand to his face. His gaze was so intense it was unnerving, so she instead concentrated on her fingertips. She didn't see the way his hands were clutching the arms of the chair.  
  
/Let me... see. Please./  
  
Her fingers brushed against his cloth covered face, softly, once, then twice before settling on his hitae. Tilting her head in question, she met his gaze, silently asking for permission. When he didn't move her hands away, she slid her fingertips underneath the head protector to slowly and carefully straighten it, lifting it over his left eye.  
  
It remained closed and she took the opportunity to run her index finger over the neat and precise scar. The blemished skin barely felt different from the rest of his face; it was smooth and cool. Fascinated, she traced over it again and again, reveling in its silky texture.  
  
And then his fingertips ran over her skin. She blinked and looked at him in surprise, but he was looking down where his hands were, at her hips.  
  
/Oh./  
  
His thumb slid over the horizon of her hipbone, lightly and delicately. Her breath stopped before her heart did.  
  
He was _touching_ her. How did he know? How did he know just where and how to touch her? Would she feel this dizzy and breathless if it was anyone else touching her there? Or was it because it was him? Was it the fact that it was _him_ touching her that made all the difference?   
  
She didn't really care.  
  
When he looked back up at her, both his eyes stared intently into hers. The shock of red she saw sent something sharp and smooth into her insides. And /oh, god/ she couldn't breathe.  
  
And as if struck with a holy epiphany, she suddenly leaned over so that her face floated just over his, her nose brushing against his forehead.  
  
His left hand still gripped tightly to the chair, his knuckles white from the pressure. But his right hand, his right hand was on _her_, moving softly and knowingly over the bare skin. It was more than enough encouragement.  
  
She let her lips brush against brow, then over his eye, and finally pausing at his cheek before repeating it all over again. She heard the sharp intake of breath and knew she was doing something that pleased him.   
  
So she raised her hands, letting only the tips of her fingers rest on his jaw before shyly kissing the skin right above his eye. Her lips were warm and velvety on his cool skin. The sensation of opposing temperatures sent a jolt of stumbling emotion through her.  
  
And for one blinding and crazy second, he knew _exactly_ what he wanted. He wasn't going to argue or justify himself or do any of those things a responsible adult would have done. He wasn't going to twist this up with reason._  
  
He leaned into her touch._  
  
It was all she needed. Not because she felt braver, but because she just felt as if she just _had_ to, she kissed him over and over again, lips pressing against his smooth eyelids, whispering over his pale brow, slipping over the expanse of his cheekbone. She distantly realized one of his hands was touching her hair, furtively tracing circles on her scalp.   
  
So silly, she whispered breathlessly, lips never ceasing in their caresses, why did you make me wait?  
  
Without waiting for an answer, she began a patternless rhythm, her lips exploring and claiming every inch of revealed skin above his mask, never rushed or careless in its motions. Every kiss, every press of lips against skin was thoughtfully and purposefully given.  
  
Didn't you-  
  
Her eyes opened in surprise when she was cut off by suddenly being pressed against him. His arms were around her and holding her close; so close she could feel the pulse from his throat against her cheek.   
  
He was breathing heavily into her hair through his cloth mask, not shakily, just heavily. Her arms were uncomfortably bent and pressed against her sides, but her mind was moving and swaying out of control.  
  
/I can't believe I just did that./  
  
His hands were gripping the back of her neck and her waist. She couldn't tell whose heartbeat was whose, only that both were heavy and desperate.  
  
he said hoarsely, you have to be sure about this, Sakura. You have to be completely sure.  
  
She laughed weakly.  
  
Is that why you were ignoring me until now? Because you weren't sure if I really wanted this?  
  
He didn't answer, but neither did she really. After a while, his arms loosened around her enough for her to wrap hers around his. She nestled her face in the crook of his shoulder, where it was warm and safe._  
  
Hold me.  
  
Whatever lies beyond this morning,  
  
Is a little later on._  
  
- hitae is the Ninja headband that everyone wears.  
  
A/N- I tried to write more of Kakashi's feelings in this chapter. I know it's still really cloudy as to what exactly he is thinking, but isn't that why we love him? Kakashi is so elusive and enigmatic, when I read the manga or watch the anime I'm always questioning him. So I end up bringing my own personal reaction to him into the story.  
  
I'm nervous about the chapter again. Err...  
  
Funny enough, even though I'm the one writing this story, I feel as though I don't have control over it. I just start writing and this is what happens. Hm. I'm not sure if Sakura really loves Kakashi. Maybe she does, maybe not yet, maybe never will? But I know that this is different from whatever she felt for Sasuke.   
  
This paragraph:  
  
And for one blinding and crazy second, he knew _exactly_ what he wanted. He wasn't going to argue or justify himself or do any of those things a responsible adult would have done. He wasn't going to twist this up with reason.  
  
really took me by surprise when I wrote it. It was the closest thing to being inside his head for me....  
  
Yes. Definitely nervous...  
  
Thank you to _everyone_ who has reviewed, it really inspires me when I write.


	5. This Bridge

_The hardest thing in life is to know   
  
Which bridge to cross and  
  
Which to burn . . ._  
  
It was just like him to have such a hard and unforgiving bed, she thought as she encased herself in his contradictory soft, worn blankets. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that this moment was important. It was a first and firsts were always important. It was a defining moment, she thought, that would forever change her life. She ignored the voice inside that told her she was sixteen and anything that happened with a member of the opposite sex would be a moment to never be forgotten.   
  
No, she told herself as she turned to lay flat on her back, hands fisted at her sides. She would be rational about this; she would not be reduced to some sort of mindless, blindly infatuated idiot girl. She'd had enough of that with _him_. With Sasuke. This would be different. It had to be. That was the whole point, wasn't it?  
  
Her eyes opened and narrowed, and the front of her right wrist rested on her forehead.  
  
I'm expected to meet Hokage-sama soon, he had said.  
  
He'd put her in his bed without a word, easily lifting and carrying her. It wasn't the first time he had done so, but at that moment it had seemed so different and new than anything else before. Then she'd watched him pull on his vest and shoes, looked up at him shyly as he softly touched her face in goodbye, and smiled softly as he left and carefully closed the door behind him.  
  
Sakura giggled.  
  
She was alone in his apartment, alone in his bed. She could look through all his cabinets and drawers, but she knew she was not brave enough to face the consequences of doing so. He would know right away what she had touched as soon as he returned. It was of no consequence, as she was in no rush to find anything she might not be ready to see.  
  
/I'm floating . . . floating. . . ./  
  
It was a silly thought. So silly, really, but a lazy and content grin found its way onto her lips. She breathed in deeply the scent of the pillow her head lay on – _his_ scent. It was warm and woodsy and male and something she couldn't quite put her finger on. He didn't smell like a rainy afternoon or sunny field, he was just . . . wholly encompassing. There was nothing that compared to it, simply because there was nothing else quite like it.  
  
/Mmm . . . so nice. . . ./  
  
It felt so warm, so nice, and so safe to be cocooned in his bed. It felt so . . . _  
  
Exclusive._  
  
Kakashi had never carried Sasuke to his bed, or Naruto.  
  
/Only me./  
  
Of course, she knew that it was very likely he had carried other women to his bed, but that was all right, because now it put her on the same ground as those women, those women who were older and more sophisticated than she was, women he had wanted in his bed. Now he wanted _her_ there. And that made all the difference.  
  
Her arms hugged his pillows close to her body. She wanted to leave her scent there and claim this bed as hers so that when he went to bed the next night, he would breathe it in and think of her and only her. The way she was thinking of him, his touch, his dusky eyes, his strong hands. . . .  
  
She sighed.  
  
_  
  
I'd thought I'd found my place  
  
Before I knew how much it costs to play it safe._  
  
When he returned, it was with a bloody bandaged hand and a weary eye that squinted from the late afternoon sun. His shoulders were low and hunched and his gait slow and drawn. Going back to an empty apartment was no new predicament. Not for him, at least. If he could have a coin for every time he came home alone, injured and tired, well . . . he would be a wealthy man indeed.  
  
His door creaked as he pushed it open. He never oiled the hinges because the loud and harsh sound would alert him if someone were ever foolish enough to open it without his permission. And it was soothing; his life was full of dangerous surprises and unexpected threats, and it was comforting to have something as mundane as the sound of a door creaking open that he could rely on.  
  
He looked up. Someone was in his bed. Trained instinct had him reaching for his kunai.   
  
Rosy hair fanned against an off white pillow, a small and delicate face peeked out from underneath the sheets._  
  
Sakura._  
  
He laughed silently and ruefully. How could he have forgotten?  
  
He glanced up at her again. No, he had not forgotten, but he had stopped himself from hoping that she would still be there, lying in his bed. He couldn't remember the last time there was someone at home waiting for him, someone to return to. As he silently made his way towards the bed, he let himself enjoy the sight before him, ignoring his otherwise constant caution and qualms.  
  
He shouldn't have felt so relieved.  
  
And by no means should he have felt that surge of possessiveness run through him as he gazed down at her pale and peaceful face. He had always been slightly more protective and considerate towards her. It was unfair and biased, but he had always made an extra effort with Sakura. Perhaps it was his nagging conscience for paying most of his attention to her male teammates, or maybe it was simply because she was a girl and the weakest of all of them. Whatever it was that made him want to take care of her, that feeling intensified as he looked down at her sleeping figure.   
  
She was so still, and he _knew_ this picture would forever be etched into his memories. Not because it made him feel warm inside or made his heart flutter. In truth, it did neither of those things. It was because he knew that this was the beginning, and in the beginning of all things, whether it be relationships or fights or duties, circumstances always favored both sides. It was still the first day for them; early enough in their battle that he could have her in his bed without fear or guilt or anything he knew he would subsequently feel. He knew that later on, in months, weeks, days to come, their... _arrangment_ would only become more and more difficult for them. Clandestine meetings and whispered nothings would come later on. But for now, they were safe.  
  
And because he knew there might never be another moment like this, he stayed silent and still for as long as he could and watched her sleep._  
  
Give me time to realize my crimes . . ._  
  
Waking up wasn't the bad part; in fact, waking up was quite a nice feeling if one had the time to truly revel in its glowing haziness. It was right at that moment when the mind started to clear and the weight of sleepy eyelids started to lighten, right at that moment, when thoughts were blurry and had no room for purpose, consequence, or memory; it was then when one could truly feel good and whole without any doubts or fears.  
  
It was rising out of this perfect moment that was the hard part.  
  
As soon as the cloudiness subsided, Sakura let out a sigh on content and lazily opened her eyes. Her smile was so wide it hurt her face.  
  
she said shyly, a soft blush tingeing her cheeks.  
  
/Was he watching me sleep?! Oh no, what if I was snoring? Or slept with my mouth open?!/  
  
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees. Sakura bit down on her lip, a nervous habit, and felt her blush deepen. She never cursed her pale skin as much as she did at that moment.  
  
Um, did you just get back?  
  
He nodded.  
  
/Right. Okay. This is weird. . . ./  
  
She felt awkward and desperately tried to remember the women in her favorite romantic movies. What did they do in situations like this? Should she act coy and flutter her eyelashes? Act as if nothing happened? Purr and demand that he get in bed with her?!  
  
/Hell no!! I'm not ready for that!!/  
  
It was then that she noticed his right hand, covered in ragged bandages with blood seeping through. She gasped as she abruptly sat up, taking the injured hand into hers without thinking.  
  
What happened? she demanded.   
  
It's nothing for you to worry about, he answered, sounding only slightly surprised as he pulled his hand back.  
  
Right, of course it's nothing, she snapped while getting up and stomping towards the kitchen. He let out a long and defeated sigh, but made no move to get up. He raised his head when he heard her footsteps coming towards him. She cradled a bowl in one arm and held towels in the other.  
  
Do you have anything that can be used as dressing? she asked as she set down the bowl of water on the stand next to the bed. Instead of answering, he reached over and opened the top drawer of the night stand, pulling out a roll of white bandages before placing it next to the water.  
  
He was silent as she stood in front of him, once again taking his hand into her much smaller ones. His eyes were concentrated on her throat, not wanting to watch her wash his wounds because it was too personal for his liking, but unable to keep his eyes completely off of her. She unraveled the bandages on his hand and cleaned the wound the best she could. It was a clean cut, a perfect line of red against silvery pale skin. Self-inflicted.  
  
You're a masochist.  
  
He raised his brow at her, momentarily distracted from his view of her lovely white throat.  
  
You're always hurting yourself. Purposefully. I can't stand it.  
  
Her voice was soft and clipped, her mouth set in a thin line.  
  
He had a thousand and one jutsus and she thought it was quite possible that a third of them involved him slicing one of his body parts open, usually his hand. It was disgusting. Stupid, even. Some macho way of taking it like a man.  
  
He remained silent, eyes steadfast and hollow. When she moved to rewrap the bindings on his hand, her body leaned into his, her hip against his shoulder. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and decidedly sat on his knee, her eyes never leaving the task at hand. She ignored the heat spreading from the back of her neck to the front of her chest and prayed silently that he wouldn't notice. They both knew he did.  
  
Something akin to relief blossomed in her belly when his arm casually went around her, resting a hand on her hip. He always did things like that, she thought, little actions to let her know it was okay. He was hesitant and reserved, but he had still touched her. He'd meant it.  
  
So . . . what are we doing today?Yes, _we_, she replied, suddenly feeling cold. Oh, just forget it. She hurriedly taped the bindings and tried to move away. His hand grabbed her wrist before she could stand.  
  
I have paperwork to do, he said softly in that annoyingly careless, low voice he had, right by her ear. Wait until I'm done.  
  
She got the distinct impression that it was more of an order than a request and almost called him on it, but he was just _so close_. So instead, she nodded and stared down and away from him, her eyes boring holes into the wood grain of his floorboards. Her heart was beating in a strange and offbeat rhythm, and her palms were sweating and trembling at odd moments. It was worse because he wasn't even trying to do this to her; it was her own body reacting this way against her will because it was confused and startled. It wasn't used to having another person so close to it.   
  
Sakura closed her eyes and made a silent plea to whoever was listening, /make me brave, oh please, just let me be brave enough for this. . . ./   
  
This . . . he started slowly, this can not be something you talk about to your friends, Sakura.  
  
She bristled at this.  
  
What exactly is this' anyway?   
  
Sakura mentally slapped herself. She had made a point of remembering from a certain article in one of her magazines that you should never ask men to talk about where you stand or where is this going.   
  
He didn't answer her.  
  
I won't tell anyone, don't worry, she said weakly, but she felt as though a rock was sliding down her throat and into her belly. She didn't want this to be wrong, to be something other people would condemn. Who were they to judge? It wasn't as though they had really done anything . . .  
  
. . . Not yet.  
  
He was already shaking his head, already regretting. She was beginning to hate it when he did that.  
  
Panicking, she did the only thing she knew that would stop it. Turning her body so that it would face his, she slid her hands onto his shoulders and pressed her cheek against his. It was a gesture of reassurance, understanding.   
  
She wanted to tell him that it was okay, that he wasn't doing anything wrong, that she wanted this too, and that he wasn't taking advantage of her. She willed him to understand.   
  
/I'm not stupid, I know how this works. I'll be careful. We'll be careful. No one needs to know. I want this. I _want_ this./  
  
I want this, she whispered to him.  
  
It wasn't until his arms came out of their own volition and around her waist that she started to breathe again.  
  
Author's Note:  
  
I like this as the end.


End file.
